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What to Know About Sex with Your Ex?

by Glenn Fitzpatrick
awkward sex

So, you slept with your ex. Again. Is that really a bad thing? Most people think it’s not a good idea at all to have sex with an ex. But in the end, it will really depend on how you will handle the situation.

Of course, there are many things that you should think about before heading to the bedroom with your ex. There are emotional, psychological, and sexual factors that can make the situation really complicated. Before you invite your ex for one last romp under the sheets, here are some things you should consider.

Sex with an Ex-Partner May Actually Be a Good Thing

An interesting study recently published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed that sleeping with an ex-partner does not necessarily hinder people from recovering from the breakup and getting over their previous relationship.

What’s curious is that the authors found that those who were successful in pursuing sexual interactions with their ex actually felt more positive afterward. People who participated in the study said that after they successfully hooked up with their ex, it didn’t make them feel worse about their breakup.

Of course, sex with an ex may not work for everyone, especially for those who went through a particularly nasty breakup. The study simply shows that there may be some benefits from sleeping with your ex-partner, after all.

Why You Should Continue Sleeping with Your Ex

If you’re hesitant about asking your ex to be your bedroom playmate for the night, here are several reasons why you should go ahead and make that call.

Sexual Compatibility

undressing black lace underwear

If sex was always fantastic when you were still together with your ex, that’s a good enough reason to continue sleeping together. Here’s someone who already knows what you like in bed, someone you’re comfortable being naked with.

You can think of your ex as just another friend-with-benefit. This is especially good if you feel you’re not ready to start another relationship yet. At least, you’ll be having sex with someone you know and are familiar with.

Comfortable

If one-night stands aren’t your thing because you don’t like having sex with strangers, then you might want to consider calling your ex. There’s that feeling of safety and security when you’re having sex with someone you already know.

With your ex, you know you won’t have to second-guess what she thinks about your body and your sexual performance. There’s also that level of trust that you don’t easily achieve with a new sexual partner.

Closure

Relationship experts say that it’s possible that people who are pursuing sexual contact with their ex are those who aren’t ready to let go of the relationship yet. Well, one last hurrah could help you achieve that closure you’re looking for.

If you still harbor any lingering feelings for your ex, having sex with her for the last time can give you the opportunity to sort out those lingering feelings and help you move on.

Why You Should Think Twice Before Having Sex with Your Ex

There are a lot of good reasons why people advise against getting sexual again with your ex. Even if you find sex with your ex physically satisfying, you also need to consider the emotional and psychological effects it might have on both of you.

Prolonged Bond

If you’ve ever heard of oxytocin, you know that the hormone is released during sex. And people call it the love hormone for a reason. Oxytocin basically promotes feelings of closeness and bonding.

In short, when you have sex with your ex, you’re bound to experience that feeling of closeness with your ex all over again. Thus, instead of getting over your ex, having sex with her can just prolong your bond. And that can make things messy and complicated again.

Misleading

If either of you is trying to use sex as a reason to get back together again, then that could be a big problem. Successfully hooking up with your ex can make you feel optimistic that she might give you another chance.

But it could be that you’re just setting yourself up for a big disappointment. You also need to be wary if your ex is the one who wants to hook up again, especially if she’s hinting about getting back with together with you.

Unclean Break

If you really want to end the relationship once and for all, it’s better to avoid any further sexual contact with your ex. You have to keep in mind that the more you continue sleeping with your ex, the more you’re keeping yourself emotionally unavailable for a new partner.

Things to Seriously Consider

drunk texting your ex

Before you send that message to your ex asking her to come over and spend the night with you, there are certain things that you should first consider. For instance, if you drank even just a drop of alcohol, you might want to hide your phone for the meantime.

Drunk texting may sound fun, but we’re all familiar with other people’s horror stories about it. Unless you’re absolutely certain that you really want to wake up the next morning with your ex sleeping beside you, don’t even consider hooking up with her if you’re under the influence.

Even if you both agree that breaking up was the right decision and hooking up back again is simply all about sex and nothing else, you still need to set expectations. Be honest about how you really feel about your ex, and ask her to frankly tell you how she feels about you.

Make sure you’re both on the same page that this particular booty call is just a plain booty call, no baggage and no feelings attached. You also need to set expectations about whether you two are going to have sex again just this once or if it’s going to be a regular thing.

It’s also best if you both talk about whether you’ve been seeing other people after your break up. That could also help you determine if you’re going to need extra protection for yourself. You wouldn’t want to get infected with an STD after having sex with your ex, right?

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